This story was inspired by Ellie. W’s three words, they were baguette, spaceship and clown. It’s a bit of a children’s story but also a bit Mars Attacks – ish. Thanks very much Ellie, I hope you enjoy it.
A Flying Visit
Terry was feeling nervous, as he was getting his costume on, he always did before a big gig. It was the day of the village fete and everyone was excited. He hoped that if people liked his act enough they would book him for parties, he really needed the money.
There were a few clouds lingering in the sky but otherwise the sun was at its best. People scurried about preparing stalls and marquees. Straw bails were lined up ready for the audience, he was due to perform just after lunch. In the heat of the day Terry hoped the sweat wouldn’t ruin his make-up.
‘Alright, Terry?’ said Adam the stilt walker who had yet to put on his leg extensions. ‘Nice shoes!’
‘Say, do you want me to be part of your act? I could come and trip over your shoes or something?’
‘Ah, thanks, I’ll think about it.’ That was about a polite a no thanks as Terry could manage.
‘Sure, no worries.’
The two men continued their preparations in silence. Terry checked over his squirting water flower, he made sure he had plenty of custard and cream, he stuffed a load of handkerchiefs up his sleeve and was ready. It wouldn’t be long before he was due to go on stage. He could hear the blaring megaphone, the cheers and laughter and then the band striking up. He ate his lunch to settle his nerves.
Terry was too busy eating to notice the silence outside. It was almost quarter past one, with a final check he headed to the outdoor stage.
‘Hey, hey everybody!’ he shouted as he bounded on stage and tripping over his shoes, windmilling his arms in a comedy style for dramatic effect. This usually got a good laugh from the kids but when he was met with silence he looked out to the crowd.
Every single person was standing still, mouths wide open, not looking at him but looking passed him.
‘Hey, hey, everybody! I’m Colin the Cray-zee Clown! Are you ready for a good time?’
Frustrated, Terry put his hands on his hips and muttered about how he could be watching the football. A kid in the audience raised his arm and pointed his finger. He wasn’t pointing at Terry, who turned to look at what the kid was pointing at, he too stood still. He too stared.
The spaceship was over the village school, less than a mile away and was getting closer. Terry gulped. His mouth was dry. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing and by the looks of them neither could the people around him.
The ship itself looked to be the size of a moon, a silvery moon with a bright blue light around the middle. Terry couldn’t tell if it was spinning like a planet because of the glare from the sun hitting hit. It was mesmerising. When it was right above them they could see a hole going right through the middle of it.
A swooshing sound turned everyone’s attention to the ground just in front of the stage. They looked at a metal circle that had appeared from nowhere. People stepped back, mothers grabbed children but no-one ran, curiosity was getting the better of them.
The alien that appeared before them was a minty green, if it were a tin of paint you’d say it was Cucumber Mist Silk Emulsion. Its skin had that kind of shiny silk like quality, the kind you’d get if you bathed in olive oil. It had long and skinny legs, not much body to speak of and two very long arms. Its head was quite square, it just sort of sat on top of its body with no signs of a neck at all. It didn’t have eyes like we do. It had a narrow band of blue light going from one side to the other like a really cool pair of sunglasses.
‘We come in peace.’ It said. When no one spoke or moved it added, ‘we come in peace, unless you don’t do as we say, then we’ll blow up your planet.’
More aliens began to arrive and as if a magic spell was broken people started to mutter between them.
‘’Ere, wot do ya mean blow up the planet?’ Asked Steve, he was a big bloke, he was a builder, so if any one were to ask questions of an unknown alien species, he was the right man for the job.
‘We will terminate your kind, eradicate the lot of you, harvest the core then sell what minerals we can. Now, if you’d all just like to line up over there.’ The alien indicated towards three of his colleagues who were holding clipboards, well, they were a bit more hi-tech than a clipboard but that’s what they looked like. In that inexplicably British way, people found themselves either forming a queue or joining it.
Not one for enjoying a queue Terry spoke up, ‘Now hang on a minute! You can’t just come down here an’ tell us what to do. This is our planet!’
‘Of course, of course. Please, just get in line and all your questions will be answered.’ Said the alien.
‘And what if I don’t?’ Said Terry defiantly.
‘I shall be forced to use this,’ the alien held out a shiny pointy thing with a red light on it.
Terry gulped, then stiffened his resolve. ’Not before I use this on you!’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tin can, with one hand holding the can out in the direction of the alien, the other hand was poised to open it.
Man stared at alien. Alien stared at man. People around them looked on.
The alien flinched, Terry reacted, pulling the lid off the tin. BOING. The coiled baguette sprung from the tin like a greyhound at a race track, it flew through the air and landed two feet away from Terry’s feet. The alien jumped with surprise and because this particular species of alien don’t like surprises it went rigid and fell over. It was momentarily paralysed. It was vulnerable.
As quick as a flash Terry ran over to the alien and grabbed the shiny-pointy thing from its hand, he then began pointing it at the other aliens. When they didn’t seem phased by this, Terry resorted to doing what he knew best.
He pulled down his trousers and three doves flew out, startling four aliens who then fell over with the surprise. Terry ran up to one of the aliens with a clipboard, there was a minor grumble from a woman behind him about queue jumping but Terry ignored her. He went to the alien and asked him to smell his beautiful flower, the alien, not wishing to be impolite bent forward and was met with a face full of water. The alien froze and then keeled over.
Next Terry got out his toy gun, fired it directly at another clipboard wielding alien and shot it, the bang was loud and the alien was frozen on the floor before the little sign that says ‘bang’ had unfurled from the gun.
He ran to the stage, collected a custard pie, took aim and smacked another alien straight the face. It too, froze then fell over. Terry was looking for his next target when SWOOSH, the aliens started disappearing. When they’d all vanished with a final SWOOSH and a BLIP, the spaceship zoomed off.
The crowd, coming to it’s senses, cheered and clapped. Steve the builder picked Terry up like a brick hod and other people joined in to parade him around the village green. No one was really quite sure what had just happened but they knew they were glad it was over.