Time stands still but the clock still ticks the echo of your heartbeat.
Sitting in the garden, on the bench, I bought with you, I think of you. This space we shared together, sculpted and tended, digging out the borders and rebuilding the barn. We gave new life to this dilapidated place, gave it our time, gave it our love. We are a part of it now just as it is a part of us. Now that you’re gone you’re still here in a way. I dare not leave this place and lose you all over again.
When I think of you, time stands still but the clock still ticks the echo of your heartbeat. You stood defiantly on the battlefield of cancer, weakened by the fight, death waiting, and you walked on. Spurred on by the nurses, drugged into the night. Your anger scared me, like another cancer, but I suspect it fuelled the fire in your belly, it fuelled your fight.
I wish so many things, I wish you’d gone to doctors sooner, I wish I didn’t have to watch you wither away, I wish you could see our daughter grow, I wish we could go back, I wish for one more day.
Now I sit alone but I stand for both of us, my love remaining strong, for the man who stood to fight.
In memory of Bill 1964 -2015
With thanks to Di B. for her three-word suggestions (nurse, clock, garden). I sat down to write a completely different story staring a murderous nurse but something else took over and this is the result.